How the Way You Look at Someone Changes Who They Become | David Brooks
David Brooks argues in his book How to Know a Person that the way we look at someone is a profoundly creative act that actively shapes their identity and behavior. He categorizes people into “Illuminators” and “Diminishers” based on their attention: Illuminators make others feel seen, valued, and “lit up,” thereby bringing out their best selves, while Diminishers dismiss or judge others, causing them to shrink and become defensive.
Brooks illustrates that attention changes people by making them feel like a priority; for example, a stern teacher who shifts her gaze to see a student’s potential can transform that student’s posture and self-conception. This dynamic operates on the principle that we become what we are seen to be, meaning that offering warm, generous, and curious attention helps individuals construct a more positive version of themselves.
What Does The KJV Bible Say?
The way we look at someone acts as a psychological and spiritual mirror, fundamentally shaping their identity, self-worth, and ultimate destiny. This phenomenon—where perception creates reality—is validated across biblical scripture, psychoanalysis, and cognitive typology.
Comprehensive Theoretical Synthesis
| Framework | Core Mechanism | Impact on the Subject |
|---|---|---|
| King James Bible (KJV) | Spiritual Vision / Blessing: Viewing others through God’s grace or judgments. | Transforms from condemnation to righteousness, or blindness to light. |
| Donald Winnicott | Maternal Mirroring: The mother’s face reflecting the infant’s state. | Establishes the True Self versus a defensive False Self. |
| Carl Jung (Analytical) | Projection & Archetypal Activation: Casting the Anima/Animus or Shadow. | Triggers individuation or forces the subject to internalize a complex. |
| Myers-Briggs (MBTI) | Cognitive Validation: Affirming dominant functions (e.g., Fe/Fi or Te/Ti). | Accelerates healthy type development or causes cognitive loops. |
Part 1: The Biblical Lens (King James Version)
In Scripture, the “eye” represents the heart’s intent. How we view someone can either call forth their divine calling or reinforce their fallen state.
- Matthew 6:22 – “The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.”
- Proverbs 27:19 – “As in water face answereth to face, so the heart of man to man.”
- Luke 22:61 – “And the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter… And Peter went out, and wept bitterly.”
Part 2: The Psychoanalytic Lens (Donald Winnicott)
British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott famously posited that an infant looks at the mother’s face and asks, “What do I see?”
- The Mirroring Deficit: If the mother reflects her own anxiety instead of the baby, the baby sees a blank wall or a threat.
- The False Self: To survive being mis-seen, the individual constructs a compliant persona, burying their authentic feelings to appease the observer’s gaze.
Part 3: Carl Jung Analyst Report
Case Subject: Interpersonal Archetypal Transference
Analyst: Certified Jungian Consultant
Diagnostic Assessment
When an observer looks at a subject through unexamined unconscious material, they engage in psychological projection. If an observer views someone as an enemy, they project their own internal Shadow. The subject, feeling the weight of this projection, often experiences an inflation of that exact archetype within their own unconscious.
Conversely, looking at someone with unconditional individuation-oriented attention provides a temenos (a sacred, safe space). This enables the subject to safely integrate their subconscious archetypes into conscious awareness, transforming their ego identity.
Part 4: Myers-Briggs Analyst Report
System Matrix: MBTI Cognitive Dynamics
Typological Dynamics
An analyst tracking cognitive functions observes that the observer’s dominant function dictates how they perceive others, forcing the recipient into responsive adaptations:
- Fe (Extraverted Feeling) Gaze: Validates the subject’s role in the social matrix, pushing them to develop harmony or deep rebellion.
- Te (Extraverted Thinking) Gaze: Evaluates the subject purely on utility and output, often compressing an intuitive subject into a state of chronic stress (a “grip” experience).
- Ni (Introverted Intuition) Gaze: Looks past who the person is today and treats them as their future potential, forcing an acceleration of the subject’s development.
10 Concrete Examples of Visual Transformation
- The Prodigal Son (Luke 15:20)
- The Look: The father sees him “a great way off” with compassion, not condemnation.
- The Transformation: The son changes from a self-proclaimed servant back into an honored heir.
- The Maternal Blank Gaze (Winnicott)
- The Look: A depressed mother looks at her infant with an empty, unresponsive face.
- The Transformation: The child stops expressing raw needs and develops a rigid, anxious False Self.
- The Shadow Projection (Jung)
- The Look: A manager projects their own hidden laziness onto a competent employee.
- The Transformation: The employee internalizes the shame, loses motivation, and begins slipping in performance.
- The Intuitive Catalyst (MBTI – INFJ/INTJ)
- The Look: An Ni-dominant teacher looks past an unruly student’s actions and speaks directly to their hidden talent.
- The Transformation: The student abandons their defensive, disruptive persona to match the teacher’s elevated vision.
- Christ and Simon Peter (John 1:42)
- The Look: Jesus beholds Simon and says, “Thou shalt be called Cephas… A stone.”
- The Transformation: A volatile, impulsive fisherman slowly morphs into the rock of the early Church.
- The Controlling Utilitarian (MBTI – ESTJ/ENTJ)
- The Look: A parent looks at an artistic child through strict Te filters, judging them purely on measurable, logical metrics.
- The Transformation: The child suppresses their natural introverted feeling (Fi), leading to adult burnout and identity confusion.
- The Anima Projection (Jung)
- The Look: A partner looks at their spouse not as a human, but as an idealized muse or goddess archetype.
- The Transformation: The spouse feels suffocated by the perfection myth, eventually acting out destructively to break the illusion.
- The Good-Enough Mothering Gaze (Winnicott)
- The Look: A caregiver looks at a crying toddler with calm validation, reflecting their distress without panicking.
- The Transformation: The toddler learns that their intense emotions are safe, anchoring a secure and authentic True Self.
- Nathan the Prophet’s Confrontation (2 Samuel 12:7)
- The Look: Nathan looks at King David through the unyielding mirror of God’s moral law (“Thou art the man”).
- The Transformation: David breaks out of narcissistic denial, immediately collapsing into deep, transformative repentance.
- The Unconditional Positive Regard (Humanistic/Fe)
- The Look: An extraverted feeler gazes at a social outcast with total social acceptance and warmth.
- The Transformation: The outcast’s hyper-vigilant nervous system calms down, allowing them to socially reintegrate.
As You seek understanding and clarity in your life you should always turn to your Heavenly Father for Guidance
Table of Contents
- Youtube Video (Todays Message)
- Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?
- Women are looking for a fathers love
- Spiritual Order – In The Family and Church
- How God Commands Us To Forgive Those Who We Have Resentment Toward
- Join Our Newsletter
- Top Seven Articles
- Our Mission Statement
- Our Vision
- Tithing And Giving!
When Tithing please give what you feel is good to the amount we are helping you in your spiritual life.
Here is a YouTube video to help theses who need to understand someone explaining the important message, the YouTube video is called, “How the Way You Look at Someone Changes Who They Become | David Brooks”, This video is with David Brooks YouTube Channel:
Note: MadeManMinistries.com has no relations with David Brooks YouTube Channel, but MadeManMinistries.com enjoys sharing the word.
Note: We do use YouTube Video’s under the “Fair Use” Act under the Copyright Law:
“Fair use is a doctrine in the United States copyright law codified in Section 107 of the Copyright Act of 1976.1 It provides for the legal, non-licensed citation or incorporation of copyrighted material in another author’s work without requiring permission from the rights holders, such as for commentary, criticism, news reporting, research, teaching or scholarship.01 The U.S. Copyright Office Fair Use Index should prove helpful in understanding what courts have to date considered to be fair or not fair but it is not a substitute for legal advice.2“
This is a major important point about forgiveness
Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. -MATTHEW 5:24 KJV
Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?
I would start out by saying what Jesus Christ would want us to do? Pray and how should we pray? The Lord’s Prayer, and how often should we pray? Continually. Why do we use the Lord’s Prayer and not some other? The Lord’s Prayer covers all the areas that is important for our spiritual being.
When we pray the Lords prayer we ask to forgive our enemies, let God’s will be done, the kingdom to come. By praying the Lord’s prayer we let go of many thoughts we have in our head and give them back to God so we can have things revealed to us.
We must overcome resentment in our heart, and in a past video I shared about Dr. Jordan Peterson talks about how resentment can destroy us and we become our own very worst enemy and Jordan goes on to say that we must talk to people what we have resentment toward to overcome that resentment. Other people who lived in the past who talked about this is Jesus Christ and someone who is living now who talks about this daily is Brother Augustine, Dr. John MacArthur, Dr. Charles Stanley, Rev. John Piper and Pastor Paul Washer.
Women are looking for a fathers love
Women are looking for a fathers love. Its important that men understand women are looking for a fathers love and not get screwed. Woman more than anything are looking for a strong spiritual man to lead the future (the family). I think in many YouTube videos on biblical teachings, how young women are being hurt by men that are just looking to get laid instead of doing right and being in Christ and setting a good example of a strong man. We must be in Christ, hate no one, love all, forgave theses we resent, love what is right and support people who are walking with God.
Women need their fathers in their lives to be strong man to be good examples and not BETA men or weak examples of what a man should be. Its important that a man leads the way as Christ leads men, we as man need to fellow Jesus Christ to keep society from going to HELL.
Every day you can see or people watch how some men and women our living in hell without the right spiritual order then you will continue your hellish way according to 2 Peter. You can also find it in Romans. God will give you over to a reprobate mind.
And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient. – Romans 1:28 (KJV)
In Romans 1, Paul refers to something known as a reprobate mind. If you’re not familiar with the term reprobate, the literal definition in the Greek is failing to pass the test, unapproved, counterfeit.
Spiritual Order – In The Family and Church
God the father
Jesus Christ
Father (Men over women)
Mother (Women over children)
Here is Book, Chapter and Verse from the Kings James Version 1 Corinthian 11:2-16, But the main message is in 1 Corinthian 11:3: “3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”
A Woman Conferring The Spiritual Order According to Saint Paul And How The War On The Family Is Being Wage:
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Daniel Amneus – The Garbage Generation.pdf Link
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How God Commands Us To Forgive Those Who We Have Resentment Toward.
All of us are tested everyday by our personal internal struggle coming from resentment of what happened earlier in our lives as children typically what our mother did to us, telling how our fathers were not good enough or driving us away from our fathers when we were children. We most go to the people that we have resentment against and forgive them. By forgiving our mothers or whoever we have resentment against, God will forgive us and we can return to the heavenly Father through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
It was said if you don’t love everyone then you love no one. People today live like the Old Testament people did. We must forgive and love everyone as God Commanded us to do according to Matthew 22:34-40.
After Reading The Passage I would Recommend Doing A Silent Prayer
Its is said: Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10 King James Version (KJV)
Jesus is an example of a Fathers loves
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Top Seven Articles
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- I Dream A Dream That All Men Would Have Love For One Another
- IF by Rudyard Kipling (A Life Changing Poem)
- HOW to be PERFECT… According to Jesus Matthew 5:43-48
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- The Willful Submission of a Christian Wife (Ephesians 5:22-24)
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In a world where it is so easy to forget the importance of God, we must remember that He is holy and will not share His glory. America has forgotten this truth and it is time for us to re-examine our relationship with God and recognize that He is the one true God who deserves our full devotion and reverence. We must remember that He will not be taken lightly or ignored, but rather should be honored as the Creator of all things. Only then can we truly experience His love and grace in our lives.
America Has Forgotten! That God The Father Is Holy And He Will Not Share His Glory!
God Reveals Himself
Click the link about a PDF how God reveals himself to you: God Reveals and Satan Speaks to you!
Our Mission Statement
Uniting men of good character who, though of different ethnic or social backgrounds, share a belief in the fatherhood of God and the brotherhood of mankind. Bring Men back to the Father and sharing the biblical view of the Heavenly Father.
Our Vision
By returning to our heavenly father God thru the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ we can rebuilt the family, once the man is recognized as the head of the family and household. Partner with us as we develop a community, mission, and leadership support for the men of today.
Now is the time for a new movement of men. As brothers, fathers let’s become who we’re created to be, knowing our identity, purpose, and destiny in Christ. Then let’s do, linking arms to change the world for good … and for God. Help bring transformation and revival to our families, churches, and communities.
Tithing And Giving!
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